Finnish Jokes About Drinking

Drinking is a very important part of Finnish life. So it's no surprise that Finns have many jokes involving drinking.

I mentioned a couple of short drinking jokes in an earlier post, but now's the time to tackle this subject in earnest.

So here's a selection of possibly funny Finnish jokes about, essentially, vodka (Finnish readers will know the jokes really are about Kossu).

Note: I have used the first one in a post about a film review, but it's such classic, it deserves to be repeated.

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One day two friends, Jukka and Pekka, meet after a long time apart and they go to a sauna in the woods. They drink vodka in silence for a couple of hours. Then Jukka asks: “So Pekka, how have you been doing?” Pekka says nothing, and they continue drinking for another couple of hours. Eventually Jukka asks: “How's the family?”. At that point, Pekka stands up and shouts: “Did we come here to talk, or did we come here to drink?”

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Pekka and Jukka are sitting in a cottage in the middle of nowhere. They've been drinking for three days straight and they finally run out of booze.

Pekka says to his mate “Hey, go and look in the tool shed and see if there's anything to drink there.”

Jukka comes back with a bottle of methanol, and says “We could drink this, but we'll go blind!”

Pekka slowly looks around the cottage and out the window, and says “I think we've seen enough.”

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Finnish drinking game:

1. Two Finnish guys go into the sauna, each with a litre of vodka.
2. They drink their vodka
3. Then one guy goes outside.
4. The other guy has to guess who went outside....

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The Finnish definition of a gay man: a guy who likes women more than vodka

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Pekka and Jukka had been drinking in the wilderness for two weeks during a very cold winter.

Back in their home village, their friend Matti began to get worried about them not returning so he decided to send a trained dog to rescue them. He attached a barrel of vodka to the dog and asked it to find his friends.

Pekka and Jukka were sitting around a camp fire, drinking, when the dog found them. Pekka shouted: “Oh there is the rescue, our best friend coming towards us... But, hold on, what an earth is attached to it?”. “Can't you see?”, answered Jukka, “It is Matti's dog!”

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Pekka is sitting in the pub with a yellowish drink in front of him. His friend Jukka asks: “Oh, are you having a Jaloiviina [a cut brandy with 38% alcohol]?”
“No” replied Pekka, “It's whiskey - I'm working tomorrow.”

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Pekka and Jukka are sitting by a lake after drinking heavily. Suddenly, out of the lake pops an elf who immediately grants the lucky Finns three wishes.

After some pondering Pekka gets excited: “I would like the water in the lake to turn to vodka.”

Hey presto! The water in the lake turns to vodka! Jukka and Pekka can't hide their excitement, but the elf reminds them that they have two wishes left.

Jukka says: “Maybe something for the eye. I want beautiful girls all around the lake.”

And the elf immeditely makes his wish come true.

Having had their two dearest wishes granted, Jukka and Pekka are at a lost as to what to ask for their last wish.

Suddenly, Pekka has an idea: “I've got it! I've got the third wish!” Holding his thumb and index finger two inches apart, he adds: “Could we have a little more vodka, please?”

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Recipe for Finnish summer punch:

1. Pour a bottle of vodka in a bowl
2. Quickly dip a strawberry in it.

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In the olden days in Finland, all young men had to go through rites of passage to show that they were REAL FINNISH MEN. The usual set consisted of three tests:

1. Empty a full bottle of vodka without pause
2. Go out in the forest, find a bear and kill it
3. Kiss a strange woman.

When Pekka reached the age of the rites of passage, he had no trouble at all with the vodka. After that, he disappeared into the forest. Three days later, he reappeared with clothes torn and blood dripping from several wounds, and said: “Could you now please show me the woman I have to kill?”