Wednesday, 8 August 2018

13 Tips for Foreigners Invited to a Mökki

The Finnish vacation period is coming to an end, and with it so does the main mökki (Finnish cottage) season.

I have been lucky enough to spend quite a lot of time in mökkis, so I thought I would provide my fellow foreigners with some tips, should they ever be invited to one..


Disclaimer: Like all my blog posts, the following is entirely subjective and not based on statistically significant evidence.

1. Don't be fooled by the location's name
I have just spent the summer in Kokemäki (2.5 hours West of Helsinki), and not seen a proper hill (mäki) – a few bumps in the landscape at most. Similarly, places with the word koski (rapids) in them probably won't offer thrilling white water experiences. Finland is beautiful, but don't expect the location of the mökki to have anything to do with its name. It's just creative marketing.

2. Tractors lay eggs
Not strictly about mökkis, but still related to the Finnish countryside. It turns out Finnish tractors lay eggs. You can see large white "traktorin munat" dotted around the fields on the way to the mökki. Rumours have it they contain baby tractors. Or maybe just straw.

3. Mökkis are 1970s time-capsules
If you ever wondered what happened to the world supply of rattan furniture, flowery wall-paper, orange and brown paint, you will find the answer at the mökki.

4. The Internet will probably be much better than the toilets
The mökki I was at this summer had a 60 Mbits fiber Internet connection, and an outdoor toilet. This says something about Finnish priorities.

5. Peeing al fresco is socially acceptable
Possibly as a consequence of mökki's toilet situation, it appears totally acceptable for children and indeed adults (both men and women), to pee in the bushes.

6. Finnish mosquitoes prefer foreigners
Mosquitoes are a fact of life at mökkis. As a foreigner, you will be prime target for these evil ladies and, unlike the Finns, your immune system will not be even remotely ready for their vicious bite. Expect noticeably large lumps to develop in places you didn't think possible.

7. You will wear plastic sandals
Mökkis are places untainted by style and fashion. Plastic sandals, Crocs™ or the like, are de-rigeur for outside-wear.

8. Your plastic sandals will be kidnapped
Don't get too attached to your plastic sandals. A plastic sandals sharing scheme is in operation at all times at the mökki, and your sandals will be part of it. Plastic sandals are parked near the entrance of the cottage, ready for anyone to "borrow". If you can't find yours, just borrow someone else's.

9. The barbecue will take place
A mökki barbecue will always take place on the agreed day and time, regardless of the weather. I have seen one being cooked in a hailstorm.

10. You will eat potatoes and cucumber
In the summer, boiled potatoes will be served every day for both lunch and dinner. Cucumber will be available with most meals. Get used to it.

11. The water is "refreshing"
One of the main purposes of mökkis is to provide a place to swim in nature, be it a lake, a river or the sea. The water can be warmish, but typically it's not. No Finn will every admit to that though. The water is never cold, it's "refreshing". Don't be fooled though!

12. You will find the sauna a weird experience
Sitting naked with friends and strangers in a steam cooker, and then jumping with your nude companions into "refreshing" water is weird enough.  But you may also be offered a twig of birch to whip yourself with to make the experience more fulfilling (or stranger depending on your perspective). And you may also be given a felt hat to wear. On your head. In a steaming hot place. Finnish saunas are weird places for foreigners.

13. You will have a good time
Mökki-life is simple and uncomplicated. Suspend prejudices, judgement and inhibitions, and you will enjoy it.

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    201 Bishopsgate, London, EC2M 3AE
    Company Registration No. 02587815

    ReplyDelete
  35. Treg Finance Limited provides personal loans/business loans/trade finance/import & export loans/project loans to companies of all sizes ranging from individuals, companies and trader's globally. Just one simple process, We make financing the growth of your business simple, transparent, and fair.


    No jargon, no hidden fees
    Simple approval process
    Fast business loans funded in just 2-3 business days
    Low Interest rate of 2%
    Companies can be profitable or have negative net income
    Prior bankruptcies accepted
    Zero credit checks required
    Individuals with Bad credit can apply
    Flexible repayment schedules
    CIS & KYC required for all loan applicant irrespective of location/country
    Loan Duration from 1 year - 20 years maximum
    Grace period of 12 - 24 months for large business loans/working capital
    Loan Funding/Financing is not limited to any geographical location or country whatsoever


    We build just the right financing for each client, with simple paperwork, quick approvals, and flexible payment schedules. For further details, Kindly contact us via email, telephone, Skype. Intermediaries/Consultants/Brokers are welcome to bring their clients and are 100% protected. In complete confidence, we will work together for the benefits of all parties involved, Looking forward to rendering the best of our services to all esteemed clientele globally.


    Treg Finance Company Limited
    https://tregfinance.co.uk/
    Email: info@tregfinance.co.uk
    Whatsapp: +44 7757-109446
    Skype id: treg.finance1@outlook.com
    201 Bishopsgate, London, EC2M 3AE
    Company Registration No. 02587815

    ReplyDelete
  36. Private Lender Bentex Funding Group Ltd.
    Greetings to you by (BFGL).
    We are a France-Paris based investment company known as Bentex Funding
    Group Ltd working on expanding its portfolio globally and financing
    projects.
    We would be happy to fund and invest with you in any profitable
    project if you have any viable project we can finance by making mutual
    investment with you. If you are interested, kindly contact us
    on:avitinvestmentauthority2@gmail.com for more details.
    Looking forward hearing from you soonest.
    Yours truly,
    Mrs Rose Larsson.
    (Personal Assistant)
    Bentex Funding Group Ltd(BFGL)
    509 Rue Jacques Coeur,75008 Paris-France
    Paris-France.Bentex Funding Group Ltd (BFGL)

    ReplyDelete

  37. APPLY FOR AN ONLINE LOAN TODAY
    We offer loan at low interest rate of 3% and our loan transaction is save, fast, convenient and open. Do ensure you message us right now in order for us to send you more information required to finalize the loan transaction us today via (financierlibertycapitals@gmail.com )

    ReplyDelete